Why Self-Compassion Matters and How to Practice It

This article was adapted from a piece originally written for our monthly client newsletter by clinical psychologist, Dr. Kayleigh-Ann Clegg.

When we face mistakes, failures, or hard times, our instinct is often to be hard on ourselves. But what if, instead, we met those moments with kindness?

That’s the core of self-compassion — treating ourselves with the same care and understanding we’d offer a close friend. And research shows it’s not just a feel-good concept; it’s a skill with real benefits for our health, relationships, and resilience.

What Is Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion is a way of treating yourself when you’re going through something difficult, or when you’re faced with a mistake, personal failing, or something you don’t like about yourself. It involves being aware of your suffering and turning towards yourself the kind of compassion and understanding we often find easier to show to others.

So, instead of being harsh or cruel to yourself, try:

• Noticing your distress or how you’re feeling in a mindful way; in other words, being aware of your thoughts and feelings without judging them, avoiding them, or wallowing and drowning in them.
• Recognizing and reminding yourself that you’re not alone in your difficulties or failings and that we all are flawed and go through hard times.
• Treating yourself like someone you value and care for and responding to yourself with kindness rather than criticism.

Why It’s Important

Self-compassion is not just a warm, fuzzy idea. It’s a challenging, powerful skill that can have a meaningful impact on many aspects of our lives. Decades of self-compassion research have shown that being more self-compassionate:

• Can help people take more positive steps for their health: For example, practicing self-compassion is associated with exercising more, reducing substance use, getting medical treatment when you need it, and eating healthier.
• May actually directly impact physical health: For example, self-compassion is associated with better overall physical wellbeing and improved immune system and metabolic function, with research suggesting that this may be due to its stress-buffering effects.
• Can boost mental health and resilience: For example, developing self-compassion has been shown to be effective in reducing stress, depression, and anxiety; improving body image and reducing binge eating; and increasing feelings of happiness, curiosity, connectedness, and overall life satisfaction. It’s even the basis of Compassion-Focused Therapy, which focuses on building self-compassion and has been shown to be effective in addressing shame, self-criticism, and related mental health concerns.
• Can strengthen our relationships: For example, higher self-compassion is associated with feeling more secure in your relationships, healthier parenting behaviours, better management and repair of conflicts, healthier friendship and family relationships, a happier romantic partner, and higher self-compassion in your children. It seems like it’s not just good for us – it’s good for the people we care about, too. 

What Gets in the Way?

For many, being kind to ourselves feels unfamiliar, especially if early experiences taught us to equate care with weakness or indulgence. Others avoid self-compassion for fear of losing accountability. But self-compassion doesn’t mean shirking responsibility. It means being honest, fair, and supportive to ourselves in the process of learning and growing.

How to Practice Self-Compassion

Start small:

• Notice how you speak to yourself and ask: Would I say this to a friend?
• Acknowledge your pain without dismissing it or exaggerating it.
• Replace harsh self-talk with more balanced reflections: “I made a mistake, but I can learn from it.”
• Try guided meditations or journaling with a self-compassionate lens.
• Focus on specific areas where you’re hardest on yourself, like work or relationships, and practice kindness there first.

Self-compassion is a skill. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes. And you don’t have to do it alone — reach out for support and explore the resources available through your EFAP.